To De-escalate You Have To Want To

One of the joys of having multiple children are the fights that inevitably happen. I have to admit it annoys me far more than it should. I know when I was younger I had dumb arguments with my sister or other kids too. I just want them to see what took me a long time to learn, how it doesn't do any good to dig your heals in and try to prove you are absolutely right and the other person is absolutely wrong.

When you are in a disagreement with someone, if you want it to end you are going to have to find a compromise. Or at least reach an amicable end so nobody walks away bloody. To reach an agreement there are going to have to be concessions on both sides of the table. If you want to win, your actions typically escalate the tensions. If you want to de-escalate the tensions, if your goal is to actually resolve it, then maybe you will have to be the first to compromise.

If you are arguing a point and end up proving yourself right, but in the process you humiliate the opposition you are going to find the cost of winning will be much higher than the cost of whatever you may have compromised earlier. 

Something I ask my kids when they are arguing about a petty issue is if it is worth it to be right. If it doesn't really matter why not just let it go?

We are all going to have conflict, arguments and grievances. When they happen are we escalating or de-escalating the situation?

Peace is not the absence of conflict


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